In this exercise that no one asked for, let’s imagine for a moment that I were not only a voting member of The Academy, but the ONLY voting member of the Academy.
What would my nominations look like? Who would be the winners? Admittedly, determining the Oscars would be way down on my list of desired superpowers, coming somewhere after freezing time and flying, but still before the ability to always find a good parking space.
Oh, and just to really embarrass myself here, I will predict the in-real-life winners for Hollywood’s biggest night of annual self-love this Sunday. My track record for predictions is pretty mediocre.
So if I picked the nominees and winners …
Makeup and Hairstyling
BARBIE
BIRTH/REBIRTH
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3
MAESTRO
POOR THINGS
MAESTRO and POOR THINGS are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be: MAESTRO
Costume Design
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: HONOR AMONG THIEVES
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
NAPOLEON
POOR THINGS
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON, NAPOLEON and POOR THINGS are actually nominated.
Winner will be: BARBIE
Winner should be: NAPOLEON
Sound
FERRARI
JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 4
MAESTRO
SISU
THE ZONE OF INTEREST
MAESTRO and THE ZONE OF INTEREST are actually nominated.
Winner will be: OPPENHEIMER
Winner should be: THE ZONE OF INTEREST
Visual Effects
THE CREATOR
GODZILLA MINUS ONE
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – DEAD RECKONING PART ONE
M3GAN
NAPOLEON
GODZILLA MINUS ONE, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – DEAD RECKONING PART ONE and NAPOLEON are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be: MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – DEAD RECKONING PART ONE
Film Editing
ALL OF US STRANGERS
THE IRON CLAW
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – DEAD RECKONING PART ONE
OPPENHEIMER
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON and OPPENHEIMER are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be: OPPENHEIMER
Production Design
BARBIE
BEAU IS AFRAID
JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 4
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
POOR THINGS
BARBIE, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON and POOR THINGS are actually nominated.
Winner will be: POOR THINGS
Winner should be: KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Music (Original Score)
Christopher Bear & Daniel Rossen, PAST LIVES
Jerskin Hendrix, POOR THINGS
Joe Hisaishi, THE BOY AND THE HERON
Ludwig Göransson, OPPENHEIMER
Robbie Robertson, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Jerskin Hendrix, Ludwig Göransson & Robbie Robertson are actually nominated.
Winner will be: Ludwig Göransson
Winner should be:
Robbie Robertson, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Music (Original Song)
“Can’t Catch Me Now,” Olivia Rodrigo, THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS & SNAKES
“I’m Just Ken,” Mark Ronson & Andrew Wyatt, BARBIE
“Quiet Eyes,” Sharon Van Etten, PAST LIVES
“Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People),” Scott George, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
“What Was I Made For?” Billie Eilish & Finneas O’Connell, BARBIE
“I’m Just Ken,” “Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People)” and “What Was I Made For?” are actually nominated.
Winner will be: “What Was I Made For?”
Winner should be:
“I’m Just Ken,” Mark Ronson & Andrew Wyatt, BARBIE
Cinematography
Matthew Libatique, MAESTRO
Pawel Pogorzelski, BEAU IS AFRAID
Rodrigo Prieto, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Robbie Ryan, POOR THINGS
Hoyte van Hoytema, OPPENHEIMER
Matthew Libatique, Rodrigo Prieto, Robbie Ryan and Hoyte van Hoytema are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be:
Hoyte van Hoytema, OPPENHEIMER
Documentary Feature Film
BEYOND UTOPIA
FOUR DAUGHTERS
SAM NOW
STILL: A MICHAEL J. FOX MOVIE
20 DAYS IN MARIUPOL
FOUR DAUGHTERS and 20 DAYS IN MARIUPOL are actually nominated.
Winner will be: 20 DAYS IN MARIUPOL
Winner should be:
FOUR DAUGHTERS
Animated Feature Film
THE BOY AND THE HERON
ELEMENTAL
THE PEASANTS
ROBOT DREAMS
SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE
THE BOY AND THE HERON, ROBOT DREAMS and SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE are actually nominated.
Winner will be: THE BOY AND THE HERON
Winner should be:
SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE
International Feature Film
ANATOMY OF A FALL
PERFECT DAYS
RMN
THE TASTE OF THINGS
THE ZONE OF INTEREST
PERFECT DAYS & THE ZONE OF INTEREST are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be:
THE ZONE OF INTEREST
Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
Kelly Fremon Craig, ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT’S ME, MARGARET.
Cord Jefferson, AMERICAN FICTION
Matt Johnson & Matthew Miller, BLACKBERRY
Christopher Nolan, OPPENHEIMER
Eric Roth & Martin Scorsese, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Cord Jefferson and Christopher Nolan are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be:
Christopher Nolan, OPPENHEIMER
Writing (Original Screenplay)
Wes Anderson, ASTEROID CITY
Samy Burch & Alex Mechanik, MAY DECEMBERDavid Hemingson, THE HOLDOVERS
Celine Song, PAST LIVES
Justine Triet & Arthur Harari, ANATOMY OF A FALL
Samy Burch & Alex Mechanik, David Hemingson, Celine Song, Justine Triet & Arthur Harari are actually nominated.
Winner will be: Justine Triet & Arthur Harari
Winner should be:
David Hemingson, THE HOLDOVERS
Directing
Todd Haynes, MAY DECEMBER
Yorgos Lanthimos, POOR THINGS
Christopher Nolan, OPPENHEIMER
Alexander Payne, THE HOLDOVERS
Martin Scorsese, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Yorgos Lanthimos, Christopher Nolan and Martin Scorsese are actually nominated.
Winner will be: Christopher Nolan
Winner should be:
Martin Scorsese, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Actor in a Supporting Role
Robert De Niro, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Robert Downey Jr., OPPENHEIMER
Ryan Gosling, BARBIE
Charles Melton, MAY DECEMBER
Mark Ruffalo, POOR THINGS
Robert De Niro, Robert Downey Jr., Ryan Gosling and Mark Ruffalo are actually nominated.
Winner will be: Robert Downey Jr.
Winner should be:
Ryan Gosling, BARBIE
Actress in a Supporting Role
Hong Chau, SHOWING UP
Penélope Cruz, FERRARI
Mia Goth, INFINITY POOL
Anne Hathaway, EILEEN
Da’Vine Joy Randolph, THE HOLDOVERS
Da’Vine Joy Randolph is actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be:
Da’Vine Joy Randolph, THE HOLDOVERS
Actor in a Leading Role
Bradley Cooper, MAESTRO
Leonardo Di Caprio, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Zac Efron, THE IRON CLAW
Paul Giamatti, THE HOLDOVERS
Cillian Murphy, OPPPENHEIMER
Bradley Cooper, Paul Giamatti and Cillian Murphy are actually nominated.
Winner will be: Cillian Murphy
Winner should be:
Paul Giamatti, THE HOLDOVERS
Actress in a Leading Role
Lily Gladstone, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Sandra Hüller, ANATOMY OF A FALL
Carey Mulligan, MAESTRO
Natalie Portman, MAY DECEMBER
Emma Stone, POOR THINGS
Lily Gladstone, Sandra Hüller, Carey Mulligan and Emma Stone are actually nominated.
Winner will be and should be:
Lily Gladstone, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Best Picture
ALL OF US STRANGERS
ASTEROID CITY
THE HOLDOVERS
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
MAY DECEMBER
OPPENHEIMER
POOR THINGS
SHOWING UP
SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE
THE ZONE OF INTEREST
THE HOLDOVERS, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON, OPPENHEIMER, POOR THINGS and THE ZONE OF INTEREST are actually nominated.
Winner will be: OPPENHEIMER
Winner should be:
KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Tha-tha-tha-that’s all folks! See you Sunday night, and don’t forget to take a shot whenever they start playing music to get someone off stage.
Cutting to the Chase with Phil Bacharach 